


Leaping on Thin Ice

by Pfain Ryder (Cat_Moon)



Series: Angelfire Universe [19]
Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Pfain%20Ryder
Summary: Now that he knows the truth, Sam has to deal with both leaping and being a mostly-absent father.





	Leaping on Thin Ice

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in Quantum Fire #4.

January 15, 1972:

Wet and slimy.

I reviewed the possibilities in the micro-second before I was 'there' enough to assess my situation.

Cold and clammy.

I'd known some women like that...but what I had in my hand wasn't female. It was a soapy sponge. I was staring at a gleaming 1931 Rolls Royce. _1931??_ My head snapped up in alarm. All I saw were trees and a lake beyond. _Wait a minute here..._

"Oh boy..." I turned my head, sagging in relief as my gaze fixed on the modern house I was in the driveway of. Clearly my host was into old cars, and I wasn't in 1931. According to the rules of leaping I couldn't go beyond my own lifetime, but for a moment there, I'd been worried.

That crisis out of the way, I took stock of things more calmly. I dropped the sponge from my frozen grasp to plop into the bucket of water at my feet. What kind of a nut did I leap into? He was washing a car, outside, in the middle of winter.

I shoved my hands into the pocket of the parka I wore and gazed at the car. Then again, I could understand his obsession with keeping this beauty looking good. I glanced into the mirror. I was a shrewd looking man somewhere in my early fifties. My hair was more than streaked with gray. Intelligent blue eyes stared back at me. It was always the eeriest part, having someone else's eyes on me when I looked into a mirror.

As I was studying my reflection, a car pulled up next to me in the driveway, and the window rolled down. "Hi, Mr. Edwards!" a teen-age boy greeted. "Is Cia ready yet?"

"Cia?"

Before I had a chance to bluff, a young girl flew out of the house, letting the door go behind her.

I winced as it slammed shut. "Cia, do you have to--"

"I know Dad, you've told me a thousand times not to slam the door." She ran up and gave me a peck on the cheek. "I'll be home late, don't wait up. Oh, Mom called, she's gonna call back later tonight. See ya." She jumped into the Mustang and it peeled out onto the street.

Alone again, I carefully returned the car to its place in the garage, and started for the house.

I barely got the front door closed behind me when a huge bear... St. Bernard upon closer look... came bounding towards me at full speed. I remembered animals could tell I wasn't who I was supposed to be and sent up a quick prayer that he'd like me. Then I was hit by 150 pounds of dog. His paws ended up on my shoulders, driving me back against the wall. A wet tongue slobbered over my face.

Well, I wanted him to like me.

A burst of giggling came from the other room. "Leo! Daddy's only been gone for a little while."

"Yeah, come on Leo, give me a break!" I managed to push him down. He sat there, giving me a pathetic 'you don't love me anymore?' look. I patted his head in apology. Unfortunately, he took that as permission to jump on me again. "Down boy!" I tried. To my surprise, he obeyed.

I followed Leo into the living room, where he jumped onto the couch next to the little girl who'd spoken. She was watching television. I glanced at my watch. It was two in the afternoon. Although young, she was definitely school age, so it must be either the weekend or a holiday.

"Did you get the car washed, daddy?" she asked, most of her attention still on the T.V.

 _Daddy..._ I sat...fell onto the other end of the couch as the impact of those words hit me all over again. I stared at the screen, seeing not Bugs Bunny, but Al and...Peter. Most guys have nine months to get used to the idea; having just found out about him in the previous leap, I was still reeling. At first all I knew was the overwhelming desire to be home with them.

Then, a kind of peace had settled over me. I was confident the end would be soon, one way or the other. All I needed was patience.

I rose, intending to do some investigation of my role. "I'll be...in the other room." I pointed vaguely at the doorway.

She nodded absently, engrossed as only a child could be with her program.

I wandered through the house. It was large, this guy obviously made a decent living. The kitchen was off the living room, with a good-sized dining area in the back. I opened the refrigerator door, with no idea why, what could their food tell me? I closed it again, shaking my head in self-amusement.

Moving on, I encountered the kids bedrooms, easy to recognize. Cia's had rock posters on the walls, while the other one was full of stuffed animals and various toys. Another, generic, appeared to be a guest room. Then I came to the one which must have been mine and my wife's.

Losing interest in my aimless wandering, I sat down on the window seat, starting out at the lake. It was frozen over. I watched the sea gulls trotting around, trying to find a hole in the ice to catch their dinner. A scattering of houses occupied the other side of the lake, spaced a nice distance apart. It looked like mine was the biggest house there.

It was probably a pleasant place to be in the summertime, teeming with life and laughter. Now, everything was barren, stripped of even sunshine. A gray sky presided over its domain, even one of the gulls shivered from the chill seeping into his tiny body. I wondered why I was hit with this, just when I'd gotten myself together about my situation. No matter, I trusted things would be put right.

Were there boats on the lake in the warm weather? I hadn't been sailing in forever. Actually, I'd only gone a couple of times, but enjoyed it enough to do again. It would be nice to take Peter sailing. Unless he got seasick easily. But with a Navy man as one of his fathers, I doubted it.

Sometime later, I heard the Imaging Chamber door and turned toward the sound. Al stood there, alone.

"Hey, Sam, how's it going?"

I shrugged. "Just got here. Where's Peter?" I hadn't planned to ask that question right away, had I?

Al shifted, slightly uneasy. "I wanted to make sure John's kids aren't around while he's here. I figured it might be confusing...I didn't want him around, hearing other kids call you daddy..."

_Being able to touch me._

"Who's John?" I asked, only vaguely interested. It looked like I wasn't even going to get to see our son this time.

"You, in this leap anyway. Johnathan Edwards."

"Why does that name sound familiar?" I asked, rooting around in my brain.

"No relation to the singer," he told me for answer. "He did that song, called..." he checked the link for help with his memory. "...Sunshine." He smiled. "Back in '72, which it is, as you probably already know. So let's save time, what do you know about the leap?"

"I...Johnathan has two daughters and a '31 Rolls."

Al whistled appreciatively. "I'll have to take a look at it. What else do you already know?"

"A dog named Leo."

"That's it?" he asked as if he didn't believe me.

I shrugged. "Are you going to tell me, or play twenty-questions?"

Al glance at me a moment, then down at the handlink. "It's January 15, 1972, and you're in Highland Lakes, New Jersey."

"Not New Jersey again!" I cried.

"Yeah, I sympathize. Anyway, this Highland Lakes is one of those private snob communities. Mostly summer cottages, you've got one of the few year-round houses. Edwards is a corporate lawyer with a New York firm. He has a wife named Phyllis, son John Jr. who's married with kids of his own. Then there's the daughters, Cia, who's seventeen, and Mia who's seven."

"That's quite an age difference. She must have been a surprise."

Al's eyes twinkled at me. "They do happen."

I managed a smile, hoping it was more convincing that it felt.

"Hey, why don't you hold off on eating until the kids go to bed, the three of us will have dinner together. I'm making spaghetti."

" _You're_ making spaghetti?" The grin that found its way onto my face was genuine.

"If you had a Parmesan-cheese memory instead of a Swiss-cheese one, you'd remember--"

"It's your specialty," I finished for him, laughing. "I do remember, it's just..." I appraised him speculatively.

"What are you doing?" Al asked suspiciously.

"Well, yeah...you would look pretty cute in an apron, mommy."

Al pointed the link at me. "Don't you start," he warned.

I tried to muster an innocent face. "It's a date. Now, back to the leap. I don't supposed you know why I'm here." It was a statement of fact, I thought.

Al beamed at me in triumph. "As a matter of fact, I do." I stared him until he continued. "This one is going to be an easy leap."

"Thank Gods..." I murmured.

"Here's the rest of it. Your wife is away for a couple of days. Your daughter-in-law just had another baby and she's helping with things." He glanced at me. "Thank god. You--Johnathan--is on vacation, so you don't even have to worry about work while you're here, which won't be long."

"It sounds too good to be true," I commented.

"I didn't say it wasn't a serious situation," Al warned. "Tomorrow afternoon, at five o'clock, Mia falls through the ice on the lake and drowns."

"My God..."

"But it's easy, all you have to do is make sure she's nowhere near the lake. Tomorrow's Monday. Just pick her up from school at three and lock her in the house.,"

Al was right. As long as I was careful, I should have no trouble completing the leap. Somehow though, it only reassured me a little. Maybe I was getting too cynical.

"Okay," I said. "I'll see you tonight."

XXX

It wasn't hard to play my role. Since everyone else was gone, the only one I had to deal with was Mia. I heated up some left-overs for her dinner, and afterwards we watched T.V. together until bedtime. Since it was a school night, that was relatively early. I made it even earlier this night, though not without some guilt.

Then there was the other guilt. The kind I felt when I picked her up to carry her to bed and tuck her in. When she hugged me and said, 'I love you, daddy'. Al was right. I was glad Peter wasn't there to see how his father couldn't be there for him, but had plenty of time for a stranger who called him daddy.

XXX

"Hi, daddy!" a tiny voice greeted as I was just finished cooking my own dinner.

Plenty of children have called me that, but this was a whole different ballgame. This was the real thing, and nothing had ever sounded so sweet.

I turned to see that Al had set up a small table in the Imaging Chamber. They were seated at it, plates and bowl of spaghetti in front of them.

"Hi, Peter." I smiled at him. I didn't know being a father was going to be like that...every time I saw him my paternal instincts went into overdrive. Yet, I didn't know quite how to deal with him, either, how to talk to him. Without tactile facilities, I was lost. That didn't come as a shock to me, I'd always been a very physical person. "Have you been a good boy?"

He looked at Al.

"Perfect," Al answered. He ruffled Peter's hair, cutting the gesture off rather quickly, I thought.

I knew why. Al was torn between wanting Peter to know his other father and knowing it was as frustrating to me to see him without touch as it was a pleasure. And yes, it did twinge a little, whenever they were physically affectionate towards each other.

And, if it weren't for Al, I would have been nothing more than a stranger to Peter. I didn't know quite how he'd done it, but he'd helped create a real relationship between me and our son.

"Of course," Al was saying," Ziggy is peeved at him, but that won't last long."

"Ziggy? Why?"

Al smiled wide. "This is a great story. Ziggy was keeping an eye on Peter while I was here earlier, teaching him arithmetic to keep him occupied. He told Peter to hold up one finger. He did. Then Ziggy told him to hold up another finger. He did. Then another. So, Ziggy asked him, how many fingers do you have? Peter said, ten."

I laughed. "Caught him on semantics, huh? What did Ziggy say to that?" I wondered.

"Nothing, for about ten minutes. Then he asked Peter the square root of 1389."

"He didn't know it, I hope?"

Al shook his head. "That was my first question, too. So, what are you having for dinner?"

I brought the pan over to the table, spooning food onto my plate.

Al's eyes widened. "Spaghetti-O's?" he asked incredulously.

I shrugged. I wanted to have the same thing you were having. This was the closest thing in the house."

Al looked into Peter's face. "Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's!" he sang, getting giggles out of him.

"Go ahead, rub in it, Mom."

That shut him up.

It was an enjoyable meal. We talked of normal things and enjoyed our entertainment; Peter trying to eat spaghetti had us in hysterics. And, clown that he was, when he saw our reactions he exaggerated the attempt all the more.

They couldn't stay long though, bringing all those extra things with them was a drain on the power levels. So, too soon we were saying our goodnights.

I dreamed of giant, mutant Spaghetti-O's, rolling over everything in their path and leaving behind orange ooze. Peter seemed to enjoy them in the dream though, laughing as they chased me, so I decided to see if I could find or make one when I got home. Most kids had stuffed bears or rabbits, my kid would have a stuffed Spaghetti-O.

XXX

I was up early the next morning. After making breakfast and driving the kids to school, I took a stroll outside. Leo bounded around me in circles, yapping happily. The sun had managed to peek its way out from the clouds, easing the bitter cold of yesterday. I walked to the edge of the lake, watching the gulls. I was glad the leap would be over soon, already anxious to get on to the next one.

I took the necklace I wore into my hand, staring at it. After I'd dropped the kids off, I'd done some window shopping. I was a man on vacation, had nothing better to do until five o'clock. A head-shop caught my attention, it had been awhile since I'd seen one of those. Last vestiges of a dying era. Somehow, I ended up inside. They carried a little of everything, from bongs to...pentagrams. I walked out of that store with one around my neck. It was a crazy purchase, I couldn't take it with me through the leaps, and God only knew what John would think when he returned and found it on him. Still, it compelled me enough that I couldn't leave without it. It was a silver pentagram, with the yin/yang symbol in its center in black and white. Somehow, I felt oddly comforted wearing it.

The uninformed think of yin and yang as meaning good and bad, but technically, that isn't true. It symbolizes the polarities in nature; dark and light, winter and summer, two sides of a coin. Balance. Even, two sides of the same soul, like Al and me.

Leo started barking again, and I looked up to see him gleefully racing out onto the lake, chasing the gulls. His paws slid out from under him in all directions. It was comical, but I opened my mouth to call him back, I didn't know how solid that ice was for a dog as big as him.

I was too late.

I barely got his name out of my mouth when he faltered. I saw the ice dip threateningly as his right front paw sank through. As I watched, he tried to pull it out. He was effectively stuck, and his efforts only weakened the already thin ice. He started howling, looking up at me pleadingly.

"Leo, heel!" I yelled at him. "Don't move. Stay!" I hoped he'd listen.

I thought St. Bernard's were supposed to save people, not the other way around.

I found myself inching carefully out onto the ice, making my way toward him slowly. I ended up crawling, trying to gauge the strength of it with each tentative move.

"Easy boy...stay..." I said, barely above a whisper. If I was careful, and proceeded slowly, I should be...

The next thing I knew was icy cold water enveloping me as I fell into the frigid depths.

**Peter** :

It was a day like any other day. I was playing with my Playschool garage, Daddy Al was playing with his computer. I'd collected an impressive set of cars, my aunts and uncles knew I liked them so they always brought some to me. I was proud of them, they were fuel efficient, and not harmful to the ozone.

Ziggy beeped and Daddy checked the screen. That's what Ziggy does when he has grown-up talk they don't want me to hear. So I looked up from my garage, watching.

"Oh my God, Sam no!" Daddy Al started to jump up out of his chair...it must have been something important. The chair tipped over...I remembered him complaining that he had to fix the leg before it broke. He fell and hit his head on the edge of the desk.

"Daddy!" I jumped up from the floor. But he didn't answer me. I walked closer, slowly, until I could see him lying there. He wasn't moving. "Daddy, okay?" When he didn't answer I got really scared. I pushed the button on my wrist link. "Ziggy, daddy Al hurt. Help!" I watched those rescue shows on T.V., they told us kids what to do. "Daddy!" I tugged on his sleeve, but he still didn't answer. I started to cry.

Finally Aunt Verbena came running in. Then everybody was there, all around him so I couldn't see him. I was small, so I guess they forgot I was there. "Ziggy," I whispered, "daddy be okay?"

YES PETER, HE IS NOT HURT BADLY. HE'LL WAKE UP IN A FEW MINUTES.

But there was something else I was supposed to remember...I tried hard to figure out what it was. It was daddy Sam, he was upset about daddy Sam. "Daddy Sam?" I asked Ziggy.

Ziggy didn't answer right away. I cried harder, wishing someone would tell me what to do.

HE'S IN TROUBLE

"I help?"

IF YOU GET TO HIM RIGHT AWAY

I ran for the Imaging Chamber, asking Ziggy what I had to do to help daddy Sam.

**Sam** :

I tried to grab a hold of the edge of the hole as I fell, but my hands slipped. The shock of the icy water stunned me for a minute. When I managed to think semi-rationally, I was floundering around in the water, trying to find the hole again. Unfortunately, I'd already lost it. I kept trying until my lungs were bursting for air.

It looked like I was getting my wish, right now. But the moment I fought panic, blindly trying to get out I realized I wanted to live. Desperately.

I almost imagined I could hear Peter's voice, calling to me. Peter...I realized with a jolt, it _was_ him I heard.

"Daddy!" he screamed, terror in his baby voice. "Daddy, here! Can get out over here!" He kept calling to me, and I tried to follow the sound of his voice. "Here, daddy!"

It was a horror beyond my imagining, that my son would be there to witness my death. I couldn't be responsible for putting him through that. Somehow, I had to get out.

Then, just when my lungs could take no more and I began swallowing water, my hand went through to air above. Somehow I held on to the slippery edge of the ice. Peter was still calling to me. It gave me strength I didn't know I had, to hoist myself through the hole.

I clung precariously to the edge, gasping for breath. I felt something hairy brush my arm. It was Leo, he'd gotten himself loose and was beside me. I grabbed an iron hold of his collar and between the two of us, we got me completely through and lying on the ice.

There my strength failed me. Leo dragged me to the shore, where I managed to crawl onto the safety of the solid ground. I gave into the urge to kiss the ground.

"Daddy..."

I looked up into my son's tear-streaked face. "It's okay...it's all right, sweetheart, I'm okay."

He sat down close to me. I reached out, needing to at least pretend to brush the tears from his cheeks.

"You saved my life," I said wondrously. What a way to learn my lesson. "You were very brave."

"I scared," he admitted.

"Brave boys get scared, too."

"You scared too?" he asked me.

I smiled. "Very scared. Until you got here." I'd thought I had nothing to offer my son while trapped in time, that we had nothing to offer each other. I was wrong.

Almost dead wrong.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I won't scare you like that again."

"Good," he told me firmly.

I smiled, but it was replaced by a frown when I realized what was odd about the situation. Being a product of us both, I wasn't really surprised to find Peter could appear as a hologram to me without Al, but it was odd for him to be alone.

"Peter, where's daddy Al?"

"He got boo-boo, hit head, but Ziggy say he be okay, too."

ADMIRAL CALAVICCI WISHES TO GIVE YOU A MESSAGE, DR. BECKETT, Ziggy's voice sounded from the wrist link Peter wore, nearly giving me a heart attack before I realized that since Al had adjusted the image to pick up voice patterns besides his own, the wrist link would be heard by me the same as human voices.

"It's actually good to hear your voice, Ziggy. What's the message?"

HE SAYS TO TELL YOU HE'S GOING TO KICK YOUR BUTT

"Uh oh," Peter said, as if I was a naughty boy about to be punished. Actually, he wasn't far off the mark. And I deserved it.

I heard Leo's barking in the distance, getting closer. He'd disappeared when my attention was elsewhere.

"Johnathan!" A voice called twice as someone approached. Leo must have gone for help.

"Can I have a dog, daddy?" Peter asked.

I smiled at him. "You can have anything you want, Sunshine."

"Yippie!" He pretended to hug me. And even though he was only a hologram, damned if I didn't feel the warmth.

Then I felt the leap beginning. "I love you Peter."

"Love you, daddy."

The most beautiful words in the universe. I felt the leap overtake me. I guessed taking my little swim had insured that no one would be going near the lake any time soon. I'd completed my job there, and learned an important lesson as well. One I would never forget.

The last thing I saw before I leaped was Peter's happy wave. "See you later, Daddy-Gator!"

Thanks to him, he would.

_I hear the echo of a promise I made_ _When you're strong you can stand on your own_ _Those words grow distant as I look at your face_ _I don't want to go it alone_ _I see my future when I look in your eyes_

\--Forever, Paul Stanley/Desmond Child

**the end**

2/24/92


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